We all think thoughts, we all feel feelings which inevitably come and go. Yet as fleeting as they are, we often find ourselves carried away with our thoughts, or attaching our identity to our feelings. Instead of questioning as to where they come from or where they go, or whether we should hold so much concern for them at all, we find ourselves in a fog of thought or giving our power away with comments such as ”I am sad” or ‘you make me so angry!”.

So. I invite you to take a moment to dig deep in the catalogue of memory. Then find an experience you’ve had where you felt a feeling of sadness, anger or maybe frustration, where the thoughts were cluttered. How does it feel? Does if feel as strongly as it did while the event unfolded?

Now take yourself to a moment, where you felt happy, relaxed and feeling safe maybe. Where the thoughts were clear and flowing. Sit with it for a moment now. Close your eyes and take a conscious deep breath and BE with that thought and those feelings once again….How does it feel?

Was your overall experience in these moments derived from an idealism or expectation not being met? Or maybe it was the opposite and the experience was all that you had expected or more?

Was your peace in both moments, determined by attaching to idealisms and expectations? Whether they were labelled as ‘good’ or ‘bad’,  were you attached to the outcome and the feeling it cultivated whether happy or sad?

conflict with ourselves or another, comes from our identifcation to the thoughts and feelings

We are not our thoughts, nor our feelings. They come and go like the the waves of the ocean, so why would we mistaken the all pervading ocean to be only the wave?  Lifes very nature is to move, to flow.

I explain this to my children in a little story of a snowman…

It’s a cold winters day. The snow is falling, leaving a blanket of white sparkling fluff on the ground, We excitedly wrap up and head into the garden to build a beautiful snowman.

Memories formed of the fun we had building our snowman, the sense of pride and achievement when we placed his carrot nose on his round face as the finishing touch. We stand back with a big smile and admire our handy work, our creativity, and marvel at what we created with our own imaginations and soggy gloved cold hands. We head back into the warmth of our home with a sense of achievement.

The next day, you rush to the window to see if he’s still there. A wave of relief washes over you when you see he’s still standing tall and proud as the cold winters sun glistens on his ice white body. The sparkles creating a magical aura around him.

Another day passes and as soon as you wake, you rush to the window. The snowman is still there, phew! But wait, he’s changed…hes not looking so grand, a little wonky perhaps, his head slightly tilted and his carrots looking a little droopy too! Feeling frustrated you slip your wellies on, forgetting to put you coat on with a sense of panic you rush out into the garden, grabbing the snow with your bare hands and patching your snowman up. Again, you stand back with a smile, satisfied that he looks good again and you walk in feeling super cold but happy that you have ‘fixed’ your snowman.

The following day you rush to the window to check in on your snowman, it was the first thing you thought of when you woke up with a mix of excitement and angst consuming you as you anticipated the fate of the snowman was today. It’s raining, heavy. Unable to see clearly, you panic as you can only make out a shape at the bottom of the garden through the rain drops filling the window. You’re so upset, you forget to put your wellies on let alone your coat and run out into the garden. Standing barefooted you begin to cry, your snowman had melted. Washed away. Your snowman had gone. You cried. Tears of anger filled your eyes and  as you let your frustration flow, those tears rolled down your red cheeks with the rain you blamed for washing away your snowman.

I came up from behind with a big blanket and wrapped it around you along with my arms for a long loving hug. I held you close and asked you to why was you so sad. You wailed with despair “the stupid rain had washed away my snowman and now he was gone forever”. ” I understand why you may feel sad right now, but please look closer, he’s still here” I replied softly. You raised your voice and shouted ‘dont be silly mum, are you mad? Can’t you see that he’s gone and I’m so angry and sad?”  I hugged you a little tighter and said “look from the stillness of your heart, the snow was rat some point rain, the puddles you see on the ground, the rain drops landing all around, are all your snowman darling, he is everywhere to be found.”

You closed you eyes, took a deep and soft breath, then opened them again to see from your heart, what was left. You too could see your snowman in the puddles and droplets of rain on your skin, even the tears on your cheeks maybe once was him. The corners of your little mouth started to rise, a sense of knowingness arrived in your bright blue eyes.

‘Thank you mummy’ as you gave me a kiss, ‘ he will always be here’ as you pointed to your heart ‘there is nothing to miss”

We walked slowly back to the house to go get dry and warm, the same as we did the day your snowman was born. Turning back once again with a smile on your face, you couldn’t see your snowman anymore yet still felt happy as you knew there was nothing to replace.

 

 

So, if you ever find yourself in the red mist of anger, or swept along in the flow of frustration, take a moment to shift into your awareness and witness the feelings, to watch the thoughts. Notice the stillness in the space where the witness resides. If you have a little more space, I recommend an easy Pranayama breathing technique tat helps to bring balance to the body/mind. The link is here

YOU are that. I AM THAT. The all pervading stillness that allows of life moves through.